By March they had returned to L.A. to film their first video for MmmBop. The album itself, Middle of Nowhere, wasn't due out until May. But as soon as we were back together it was like they had never left. Except now Gary and I had made a commitment to each other. And i did distance myself a little from the Hansons especially, Tay and Ike due to Gary's jealousy of them.
This was the beginning of a very busy period for the guys. First the video, then press stops, Jenny McCarthy show, and little mall concerts. They were flying back and forth between the coasts for several weeks. Mercury was giving them a huge press push. But things started really heating up when MTV started playing the video for MmmBop. The first taste for the guys of things to come was at Paramus Mall, the guys nearly didn't get out of there alive, poor Zac, took him several days to recover from nearly getting mobbed by thousands of girls. But the guys kept their heads and was kind of in awe of it all.
In May the album came out, and soon took off, Mmmbop was number one for 9 weeks on the charts. They soon left on a huge press tour of the U.S., Canada, and then Europe. Just before they left they gave me my graduation present a little early, since they couldn't be there for the actual ceremony. I was going to go with them on their Asian and Australian press tour. I couldn't believe they wanted me to go along with them. But Ike and Tay and Zac insisted that once graduation was over, i meet up with them and come along for some fun and wild times!
This really made my graduation, i had always wanted to go to the Japan and Australia. But Gary was really putting a damper on things. Jealousy was once again rearing its ugly head. I gave Gary an ultimatum either accept my friendship with the Hansons or get lost! So thinking Gary would end up leaving me, instead he surprised me with a dozen lavendar roses (my fav) and a carat diamond engagement ring. I told Gary that i loved him and wanted a future with him but wanted to wait to get engaged until after college. We decided that we'd move in together and share an apartment since we would be going to UCLA together.
This is also when i made a decision about my virginity, i wanted Gary to be my first, and since we had some solid commitment to each other, i felt the time was right. Only i didn't realize how this was going to affect not only mine and Gary's relationship, but my relationship with Isaac and Taylor.
Chapter 7
I met up with the Hansons in L.A. to catch the flight with them to Japan. They had just done the Rosie show, and Leno show and some other press stunts. The Hansonmania was exploding. They'd just finished the video for 'Where's the Love', in London. It was on the long flight to Japan that Isaac and I began talking. He wanted to know how graduation had been, since he wouldn't have a graduation of his own he was curious as to what it all entailed. Then he asked about Gary, and I told him he had proposed and we were going to move in together and share an apartment while we went to UCLA, together.
"So you and Gary are engaged, how come i don't see a ring?" Isaac asked me. "Well it wasn't a no nor was it a yes, we just decided that we'd get engaged after college, thats all." "You're going to live together without getting married?" he asked. "Yeah, well, people do it all the time, Ike, besides its not like we're not committed to each other." I replied. "But are you going to live together like man and wife?", "Geez, Ike its not like we haven't slept together already, you know?". "Bail, are u serious, you've slept with him already, this had to happen since March, no wonder u seem kind of different!" "What do u mean Ike?" "Well you and Gary were acting kind of different with each other at the airport, and when u kissed goodbye, 'Well, i'd never seen u kiss him like that before!" "Bail, i really care about u and your welfare, i just want this to be right for u, i want u to be happy, thats all." "Does mom know about u and Gary?" "No, Ike, and she doesn't need to know, OK?" "Alright, i won't say anything to her, but i bet she guesses, though, Mom's pretty smart, you know." "Yeah i know but im not ready for everybody to know about me and Gary, OK?" "K" he replied. Then we started talking about what we were going to do when we got to Australia and Japan. For some reason this conversation about me and Gary kind of made me uneasy, but it would be many months away before i came to understand why.
Chapter 8
Japan was fantastic, we snuck out of the hotel late the first evening, me, Tay, Ike and Jason. We wanted to see the night life of the city. It was kind of like Las Vegas, with all the lights, people and casino's and clubs. We got back to the hotel about two a.m. Jason told us good night and went back to his room. I started to say good night, but Ike grabbed hold of my hand and brought me into his room. Tay went into his room. "What's up Ike?" i asked him. "Bailey, I just want you to know that I'm always here for you, you can call me anytime and talk O.K.?' "Sure, Ike, but what brought this all on?" "Well, us being out tonight like this, I just realized that this time will soon be over, you'll be going to college and we'll be touring and stuff." "Ike, i think you're just tired, and a little homesick, and it's made u a little meloncholy. You go to bed and get some rest, i'll see you at breakfast. And Ike?" "Yeah?" "Thank you for being you, i really care about you too." And with that i gave him a kiss on the cheeck and left the room. It took me another hour to finally fall asleep. But the last thought on my mind was, i hoped that someday i'd meet somebody like Ike. And as my mind finally gave up to sleep, a little voice whispered 'what about Gary?'.
Next couple of weeks kind of flew by, after Japan we went to Taipai, then Jakarta. It was at Jakarta that the guys had a small press conference at the Hard Rock Cafe. But before it was all over with, the guys had to flee for their lives. The crowd got too big, and they went wild. They chased the guys through one restaurant, onto the roof top and through another restaurant before security, and Jason could get them back on their bus and back to the hotel. The guys were breathless and flabbergasted, and a little scared. It was their first encounter since Paramus with such an unruly crowd. But all they could keep saying was, "It was great!". Diana was a little upset, she and Walker decided that would be the last time such a thing was going to happen. They were going to insist on more security for the guys from now on.
Australia was exceptional. We snorkled and dived on the Great Barrier Reef. We were all blown away by the beauty of the sealife there. While we were on our first dive, Tay was looking at something along the wall of one reef, when i saw him turn his head and then swam away fast. I looked but all i saw was a string ray. Later in the boat i asked him why he swam away so fast for, "Man did u see the size of that sting ray!! I just got a glimlpse of it out of the corner of my eye and it kind of scared me!" "So don't laugh at me, O.K.?" "Gee, Taylor it's ok it kind of scared me, too." "Really," he asked. "Yeah, really, now hand me my towel, I'm freezing!".
The last stop on this tour was Bali, Indonesia. We were going to be here for a week and would have time for a small break before heading back to the U.S. It was here that i finally admitted how i felt about the Hansons', not only to myself but to the whole family. It had been a long day filled with fun and adventure. Taylor and Zac had headed out to see the caves. Ike and I went diving and looking for shells, for the girls. That evening we were to attend a local festival. The locals were performing the native music, and dances, and they would have their food on display as well. Walker was at it again with the camcorder. He has to build a special room when they get a break just to hold all the VCR tapes he's made of the boys. I was following Walker around while he was recording the festival and his family. Diana had made it to the festival, even though of late she's had a little morning sickness. This was the amazing part, Walker and Diana, were expecting their seventh child in January. I was hoping it'd be born on my birthday the fifteenth. Diana just positively glowed. And the whole family was actually excited about having another little brother or sister. As I was following Walker around we came up on Taylor at one of the little stands cooking spring rolls ( like egg rolls), I stood there and just stared. Taylor had grown so much he was now five foot seven, and was almost a full head taller than me. It was like being hit by a lightening bolt. Taylor's hair had been bleached even more blonde by all this time in the sun, and his eyes had even gotten bluer. But standing there by the cart, he was so tall and begining to get some muscle tone, and resembled a Greek God. I was breathing irractically, and staring. Taylor walked over to me, and as i watched it was like in slow motion. "Hello! Bailey! Are you alright?", he had raised his voice. "What, oh, yeah, im fine, i guess i was just lost in thought ," i replied. "For a minute there you were looking kind of wierd, you had this surreal look on your face," he was telling me. "Oh sorry!, hey let's go find the rest of the family." We went back to the festival and sat with the family and enjoyed the evenings entertainment.
It was late when we got back to the bungalo. I couldn't fall asleep after going to bed, and helped Diana and Walker get everybody in bed for the night. The bungalo was quiet just too quiet. I assumed everybody was sound asleep. I snuck out of the bungalo and went down the stairs to the beach below. I laid in one of the lounger chairs, looking up at the stars and listening to the small waves break on the beach. It was warm out with the trade winds slightly stirring. I was in a pair of boxers an a half tee, but it felt good to be laying there and melting into the surrounding nature. I was beginning to relax and unwind, and felt that just maybe i'd be able to go to sleep tonight.
All of a sudden i felt a hand on my mouth and an arm across my chest. I felt a hot breath on my ear, "Don't scream it's only me, Bailey," Taylor whispered in my ear. "Jesus Man! What is wrong with you, scaring me like that!', I was trying to keep my voice down. "Bailey, i'd been standing there a few seconds and when i realized u didn't hear me, i didn't want to scare u and make u scream and wake up the whole island!', Taylor replied. "Im sorry to scare you". "Now scoot over and let me sit with u," he instructed. I scooted over, the chair was big enough for two adults, Taylor sat down beside me. I guess i kind of shivered a little, cause he asked me, "You cold?". "NO not really guess it's just from the fright," i replied. "Here is that better?" he asked as he put his arm around me. "Thanks"
"So what are u doing out here Tay?" "Well i heard somebody get up and go outside, so i just came to check and see who it was and if they were alright," he told me. "Oh, im sorry i woke u, i just wasn't able to fall asleep," i explained. "You didn't wake me i was awake too. Tonight was fun wasn't it, man i ate until i was stuff!" "Yeah i could see that Tay, i don't know how u do it, eat like that and stay so skinny. It must be turning to muscle." "Yeah , thats me muscle man!" "Yeah, right" I said as i rolled my eyes. The only light out was from the full moon. It looked so close all u had to do was just jump up and touch it. Taylor laid his head back and stared at the moon too.
"Bailey?" "Yeah, Tay!" "Bailey are u alright, i mean is there anything wrong?" he asked. "What do u mean Taylor?" "Well tonight u seemed a little preoccupied. And i caught you several times staring at me, Ike and Zac." he told me. "Sorry, Taylor, i didn't mean to be rude by staring." Just then i heard another voice, "Here u guys are. I wondered where you two were. What are u doing down here?" Ike aksed us. "We couldn't sleep, just sitting here talking and enjoying the view," i told Ike. "So what are we talking about?" Ike asked.
"I just asked Bailey why she was acting so wierd tonight? You notice how she was staring at us and Zac alot at the festival?" Tay asked Ike. "Yeah, i did, but i didn't think anything of it, Why?, is something wrong Bailey?" Ike asked me. "No, not really wrong." "Gees, guys this is embarrassing!" "Well if you can't be embarrassed in front of us, who can u be embarrassed in front of!" Taylor announced. "When i saw u tonight Taylor at the food stand, it just hit me that all of us are growing up, and have changed so much since we met a year ago." "What do u mean", Ike asked. "Well, you Ike, you want to be called Isaac now, you're 16 going to be 17 in November and have your driver's license. And you've grown about two inches in height. But you've matured too, become a little more serious in general."
"And you Taylor, you've grown what 3 or 4 inches, becoming more muscular. When i saw you tonight at the stand it was like a lightening bolt hitting me. I was seeing you in like ten years from now. Like some Greek God. Whoever you chose being with Taylor she is going to be very lucky. Plus you've become more mature and serious as well. Both of you are so much more like men, than the young guys i met a while ago." "And Zac, even he's calmed down some, and he's gotten taller, too." "It's just looking at you guys, that i realize i have to look to my future, do u guys kind of understand how im feeling tonight?"
"Well sure," "Yeah i do!' they replied. Ike started "I mean we look at you and see how you've changed too." "Like when we first met you were this centerfold come to life, the way u dressed and acted. And then you kind of let your guard down, and acted more your age, and dressed really nice. You've gotten taller, and your figure has only gotten better!" "Well thanks, Ike i didn't know you noticed such things!" i said teasingly. "Trust me Bail, Ike does notice such things," Tay interjected. "And so do i, after all im 14 now, and i've noticed girls for a while now." "Taylor Hanson, shame on you!" Ike and I both laughed with that confession.
"You guys have become so important to me. Im going to miss all of u when i go to college in September. You will have to come and stay with us when you're in L.A." i told them both. "Uh, Bailey, I really don't think Gary would want us to stay with you.", Ike said. "Why not?" I asked. "Whoa, wait a sec, what do u mean Ike and Bailey, stay with US, and Gary wouldn't want us to stay. Are you saying that Bailey and Gary are going to be living together?" "Yeah, thats what I mean Taylor," Ike informed him. "No way man!' Tay responded. "Hey, wait a minute here. Now i know Gary was kind of distant at first with you guys, but he is the guy im going to marry, and im sure he'll make every effort to get to know you guys better." I told Taylor and Ike.
"What do u mean, the guy you're going to marry?" Tay asked. Ike jumped in before i could answer, "She and Gary are going to live together and go to UCLA, and then become engaged after they graduate." "Bailey do you mean the two of you will be living like you're married to each other already. You guys are sleeping together!' 'Wow, i would never of thought that of you Bail!" Taylor was a littled upset over this new info. "Guys what is so wrong with it. We've made a committment to each other." I told them.
"Ike, i thought you told her about Gary!" Tay asked Ike. "Tay stop it, i haven't told her anything!'" Ike was trying to get Taylor to quit talking. "Sorry, Bailey, just ignore Tay" Ike replied. "Oh, no you guys started all this, you better tell me whats going on here, RIGHT NOW!". I was getting tired of them talking around me.
"Well, Bailey, right from the start he's been very rude and hostile towards us, but especially Ike. He even threatened Ike once, that if he didn't stay away from you, Gary would see to it that Ike sang more like a girl. And when we'd call for you and he'd answer the phone for you, he'd tell us we got the wrong number, or that you didn't want to talk to us." All of this was just spilling out of Taylor's mouth. I was more or less in shock. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. But Taylor continued, "But thats not all, we've seen him with other girls, too." "Stop it Taylor, can't u see you're upsetting her, now!" Ike stopped Taylor. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ---------------------------- Somehow in the back of my mind i knew what they were saying was true. I'd seen Gary's behavior towards Taylor, Zac and especially Ike. And i kind of suspected about the other girls, too. Finding an earring that wasn't mine, or answering his phone and the other end would just hang up. Plus he had always been jealous of my intelligence, and would explode if i showed him up in front of other people. But right now my conscious mind was screaming, 'NO, NO, NO!'. I slowly got up and stood in front of the chair. The guys got up and stood on each side of me. "Bailey, you ok?" "No, Tay can't u see she's not, Tay you've gone too far this time!" Ike was reprimanding Taylor. "No, Ike he didn't he was just being honest with me, and you were just trying to protect me. I understand both your intentions." "Im going to bed now guys, ill talk to you tomorrow." I started to walk away but then i turned around, looking at them both there looking at me with concern and worry on their faces. "Taylor, Ike?', I just want you to know that I love you guys, I love your whole family." '"I'll never forget any of you ever. I love you. Good night now!" I turned and ran up the stairs to the bungalo, and the wind carried their remarks to my ears, "Did you hear that Ike? She said she loved us. Thats the first time ever she's admitted to anybody i bet, since her father, that she loved someone." "Yep, she loves us alright," Ike said back. I went to my room and cried until i fell into a nightmarish sleep.
Chapter 9
I woke up before daylight. My head felt like it was going to explode! The pain was excrutiating. My vision was extremely blurry. My stomach was nauseated, extremely so. Just thinking about it made me want to barf. I knew i had to move to get the trash can and vomit. I knew i couldn't make it to the bathroom. And i knew i'd have to clean up the mess. I crawled off the bed over to the trash can just in time. I vomited until i had the dry heeves. It seemed like i was sitting there hugging the trash can for what seemed like forever, but it had only been a few minutes. I couldn't move i didn't have the strength, and if i did i would probably vomit again. And that made my head hurt even more.
Diana came in and turned on the lamp. "OW!!" "Please, turn the light off, i can't stand it!!!" I croaked out. "Sorry, sweetie. I thought i heard someone being sick. At first i thought it was one of the little ones." "Bailey, do you have one of your migraines, again?", Diana enquired. She had no idea how much it hurt to hear her, much less respond. But i managed to whisper, "Yes,". "Bailey, where's your medicene, i'll get it for you?", Diana whispered back. "It's on top of the fridge." "You just stay there and i'll get it for you." If Diana only knew that i couldn't even think about moving because of the pain. She was back in a matter of seconds. "Here, sweetie, take it and drink this," Diana gave me my medicene. It took all my effort to do it. "Can you get back in bed, hon?" Diana asked. "No", i barely got out. She helped me back into bed, and put the trash can next to me. She came back again, only this time with a wet washcloth for my head. "You, just try and relax, i'll stay here with you, until you fall asleep." She began to gently message my temples. 'God, that felt good'. That was the last thought i had.
Sometime later i heard a faint knock. Still unable to move, i couldn't answer the door, or yell out. I then heard voices from outside the door, but it sounded like they were so far away. "Guys, Bailey has a migraine, she was up through the night, being sick. She's had medicene and probably won't be up for several more hours." I heard Diana say to whoever knocked. I didn't care all i wanted was sleep, sweet dreamless sleep.
I awoke to the smell of food being cooked. 'Ah, roast my favorite!', i thought laying there. I slowly got up and i actually felt pretty normal. Then i got in the shower, and after i felt even better. I dressed and went to find everybody. Everybody was just sitting down to dinner. When i entered the dining room, and what i saw was a close knit family, sitting and talking together. Not at each other but actually listening. Then Diana realized i was standing in the doorway. "Bailey, honey are you better now? Migraine all gone?", Diana asked me. "Yeah, i actually feel normal now, thanks so much for staying with me last night." I told her. Everybody else said 'hi, how you doing, come sit down and eat', type greetings.
Towards the end of dinner, I just couldn't help myself. I knocked my silverware against my glass. TING, TING, TING, "Can i have everybody's attention, please!! Everybody looked around at me and a hush fell over the room. "This is very hard for me, so everybody please bear with me. I have to say this, not just for you but for me too. I want to thank this whole family, for practically taking me in and making me feel like one of the family. Diana, and Walker thanks for always being there for me. Encouraging me, offering praise or constructive criticism, and for just being you. I love you both. Jess and Avie, thanks for being the best younger sisters a girl could ask for. I love you both, too. Mackie, i love you. And guys,' looking at Zac, Ike and Taylor, 'you are my very best friends, i can tell you anything and you never judge me. I love you, you are just like my brothers only better." "I just had to say this to you as a family, i've never said anything like this since my father died." "Don't get me wrong, I love my mother and brother, but you all know we're not a close family, like you, the Hansons' are." Thanks for letting me say how i really feel about you all."
We all gathered together and did a group hug. Walker then led us in prayer, to offer God our thanks for each other, and for bringing us all together as family and friends.
Chapter 10
The next day was our last full day on the island. In the morning we would be making the long journey back to L.A. We spent the day together as a family. It wasn't until after dinner that i was alone with Taylor and Isaac. "So, Bailey, are you ok?", Isaac asked. "Yeah I think so." I responded. "So what are you going to do when you get back home, i mean about Gary?", Isaac enquired. I knew this question was coming, i just dreaded it. "To be quiet honest with you Isaac, im not for sure yet. I know i have to have a talk with Gary, but as far as us having a future together, i just have no idea," I told him. "Well, whatever happens, we're here for you, no matter what" Taylor informed me. "Thanks guys, you have no idea what that means to me!" I told them. "Guys, im going to bed early, i want to do some thinking, and im so tired from today. So i'll see you guys in the morning," I said as I walked out of the room.
The plane ride was long and boring. Taylor and I played card games or I slept a little. Doing anything except thinking about what was back in L.A., and what the future held for me. The Hansons' would be in L.A. just for a couple of days, then they were headed off for some more mini-concerts and press gigs. When we got into LAX, the stewardesses asked if we would wait and get off last, so security could help escort them out of the airport. I still to this day can not figure out how people know where they are and when.
I went home by taxi, while the Hansons' went to a hotel. Mom was gone but Consuelo said she'd be back this evening. I asked her if Gary had called any, and she said he called just a few minutes before i came through the door. He had wanted to know if i had made it home, yet. I didn't call Gary back, yet. I wanted time to work things out in my head before we talked.
Two days went by. I still hadn't seen or called Gary, everytime he called or came by I had Consuelo make excuses for me. I knew it wouldn't be long before he would press the issue and see me. I needed advice. I called the hotel and asked Diana and Walker if they could come over for dinner with me and mom. I told them i needed advice and they were more than happy to come over and discuss whatever I needed help on.
At six p.m. they arrived, i had asked Diana and Walker to come by themselves, so Diana had the older boys watch the littler ones. Mom was home and i told her i needed to talk to all three of them. I had explained to them my relationship with Gary, what my suspicions had been and what Taylor and Isaac had told me about Gary. None of them were very happy with the idea that we had made a commitment to each other. I had no idea everybody had not liked him. After about two and a half hours things were laid out for me and things began to make sense again. I was now ready to face Gary. After Diana and Walker left, I went upstairs and called Gary, "Gary, it's me Bail, how are you?". "Bailey, i have missed you so much!" he was saying. "I've been trying to talk to you or see you for a few days now. I thought you were mad at me and had dumped me," he said. "Look, Gary we need to get together and talk, ok?","When do u think we can get together and do that?" I asked him. "I can be there in about thirty minutes, if you want?" he replied. "No, im tired, how about tomorrow about ten?' "I'll meet you at the pier Ok?" "Bailey, i can pick you up if you want?". "No, ill meet you there." "Goodnight Gary!" "Alright, Bailey, i'll see you tomorrow at ten. And Bail?" his voice was softer now. "Yeah" i answered. "I love you and can't wait to see you and hold you in my arms again." he said. "Yeah, well Goodnight Gary." And i hung up the phone and went to bed.